Have you always wanted to grow tomatoes but been paranoid that your neighbors will catch a whiff and call the feds on you? Are you afraid that the local kids will steal your prize crop in the middle of the night and sell it to their teachers at school? Grow tomatoes inside! It's easy and you can sit back in your underwear and watch your little buds grow. I personally have an indoor grow room with 35 Sodium, Halide and Fluorescent lights. Who says that farming can't be cool? Who says that farmers are all socially-awkward sexual deviants? Whether you decide to do it as a hobby with friends and family or to turn it into a massive tax-free business with coast-to-coast distribution channels, there is something immensely satisfying about home farming. My tomatoes netted me $50,000 in extra cash last year! The tomato has always puzzled and divided the critics - it straddles the middle ground between fruit and vegetable. A miracle of nature, or the spawn of Satan? Right wing radicals will tell you that eating tomatoes will turn you into an unemployable, impotent psychopath who spends all day sleeping and watching cartoons. They will also tell you that dinosaurs didn't exist, so I wouldn't pay too much attention to them. Since cavemen times, people have used tomatoes and they are often misunderstood or stereotyped. Tomatoes are great cancer fighters or, at least, they will make you forget that you have it. I want to share my years of select breeding experience with you. I will show you how to steal electricity from your neighbors so that the authorities don't come knocking when your studio apartment is using more power than a third-world country. I am not talking about that low-quality schwag from Mexico that gives you the shits and a headache. I will teach you the secrets of seed-blending and genetic modification that create mind-blowing superstrains of tomatoes to sell for twice the price. Learn from me. Grow tomatoes. Soon we can all come out of the closet and solve global warming with a really big concert. We'll be a colony of tomato lovers, playing songs around the campfire, being at one with each other, not shaving, and watching our women turn into sasquatches. I can sell you everything you need. Feel free to ask me anything about tomatoes - I know lots about them and I like to talk about them to anybody that will listen.